Restaurants - Tip #5 Don't give the HOOK

This is a tip for all of you to ensure that the waiter will NOT spit in your food or put pepper in your drink.

I understand that sometimes waiters, especially when it gets very busy, aren't around enough. The bad one's just don't know how to multi task and man that sucks when you are waiting for your drink or to pay your check.

So, before you go waving to your waiter from across the room, or giving the hook (the one finger giving the 'come here' motion), think about how long its been since your waiter was near by. Also, think about how often they came around in the past.

Sometimes you need to get their attention and I get that, but sometimes, they are around all the time checking in quietly, scanning the table making sure everything is good and is present just in case you turn to look for him. So remember that just because at that very moment you decide you need your waiter, the other 5 tables may be taking attention away, but a good waiter will check to make sure his section is secure before leaving.

If he doesn't do that, then please, feel free to wave to him from across the room because chances are he really did forget about you.

Restaurants - Tip #4 Tell em how you feel

This one goes out to all my waiter friends out there.

Tip #4 - Don't Lie

I'm giving a shout out to my good friend Katie who talked to me about all the annoying things that you have to go through when you are a waiter. We shared tons of stories, but one of the things I loved, that I never had the balls to do, was to tell my tables the truth!

What a concept right! When you are having a bad day, tell them. The worst thing you can do is have a totally off day, forget things left and right and have your tables treat you horribly, complain to your manager and worse of all, leave a really crappy tip. All because you are having an off night. They happen to everyone, and they even happen to people who have 9-5 jobs. But their waiter isn't there to breath down their backs.

So, when you have an off night, just say, listen, I'm not on my game, and it's been kind of a rough day. So if you think I forgot something, I probably did, so just remind me and I'll make sure to help you out. They laugh, you laugh and everyone is happy in the end.

Happy waiting!

Restaurants - Tip #3 Go Somewhere New

This kills me (but then again, I guess that's the point of this blog, to tell people how to stop annoying me). There are thousands of restaurants in NYC, everywhere. You can turn any corner and see a restaurant, sometimes 5 restaurants. So why is it that when you come to visit NYC for the first or hundredth time, you go to Olive Garden, Red Lobster, TGI Fridays or Chilis!?!?!

I just don't get it. The concierge at your hotel would be HAPPY to help you find a quaint little cafe/deli/fine dining establishment that will fit your taste buds and your wallet. Geez, that's what they are there for. You can get Taco Bell and Red Lobster in any city. And I'm sure you are a big customer back home, but for pete's sake, you are in one of the food capitol's of the world. Take a stab at Little Italy or head up the Upper East Side (really anywhere in 2nd Ave between 67th and 86th streets you are bound to find something).

So please, venture out and if you have NO idea where to go, then ask. Like I said before. New Yorkers are an extremely proud people and would love to tell you their favorite hole in the wall place with THE best homemade ravioli's.

Restaurants - Tip #2 Tipping

Here's a story for you. I was working in this mid town restaurant in NYC. For those of you who don't know, when you work in mid town you will be dealing primarily with tourists. So this post.....for you. Anyway, I had this very lovely table with some business associates from London out to dinner. They sat for a few hours, relaxed, enjoyed their meal and drank quite a bit. At the end of the meal, I handed them the tab. When I came to pick everything up, (btw, I created an amazing atmosphere for this table) I look and saw that they had rounded up to the nearest dollar. That was my tip. That was how they thought I was going to pay my bills. By giving me that $.20 that made it easier for them to balance their checkbook. That's what I got for spending over 2 hours of my time making sure they were happy.

Tip #2 - In the United States, you need to tip.

A minimum of 20% is now the norm. 15% is considered an insult. Do not round up because here in the U.S. waiters live on tips. They get paid way below minimum wage (I got about $2.15 per hour). The reason for that was to cover any taxes, however it doesn't cover nearly enough so even though I always got a paycheck with $0, I still needed to pay TONS of money during tax time.

So please, all of you coming from another country where your waiters actually get minimum wage or a bit higher, we don't do that here. Please note - WE LIVE ON TIPS!

For those of you coming from another part of the country, 20% is the minimum. 15% is an insult, and when your waiter sees you bringing out your cell phone or handy little 'tip card' like the one seen above, just know that they wish they would have spit in your food.

Here's a tip on how to tip. Round up and Double it, for example, lets say your tab is $16.75. I'd take the 1, round it up to 2 and double it, leaving a $4 tip. Here's another one, your tab is $54.32. I would leave a $10 tip (take the 5, no need to round up, and double it). Here's a tricky one, your tab is $6.50. Well you aren't going to leave a $12 tip, instead, I would always leave a minimum of $2. Okay, let's go to a 5 star restaurant. Your tab is $250. Any guesses? You got it, leave $50. And for those of you who don't tip on bottles of wine....shame on you.

Happy tipping!!

Restaurants - Tip #1 Don't Assume

I was having a hard time trying to figure out where to go this week when I went out to eat and realized how many things I have to say about restaurants and eating out. I would like to preempt this by saying that I have a lot of experience working in restaurants. Not back of house, but all front of house. Waiting tables was a great way to make some cash while I was on unemployment and waiting for my next gig to come my way. So...I say this all with a little experience under my belt and from the view of the waitress, not the customer.

Tip #1 - Don't Assume

I realize that there are many reasons to go out to eat. It could be a birthday, anniversary, pay raise, lack of a pay raise or just a nice date night. Sometimes though you want to go out to impress somebody and if this is the case then be careful, because this tip will definitely apply to you.

Have you ever gone to a restaurant and didn't tip your wait staff because the food was slow, the order came out incorrectly, your drinks took too long, the wait staff wasn't around enough or the wait staff was around too much? How about if the food tasted bad? Or the cocktail wasn't exactly how you like it? Maybe you had to send your steak back a few times because they just couldn't get that damn temperature right? Or maybe, even worse, they told you the wait time was appx 30 minutes and 60 minutes later you still don't have a table.

Here's what I'm going to tell you. Get over it. YOU decided to leave your home and have someone else cook for you (btw, the waiter does NOT cook the food), YOU decided not to cook at home, YOU decided to sit down at a table and get served. YOU decided to pay too much for food and drink.

So if something goes wrong, it's probably not the waiters fault and there is nothing they could have done about how slowly the bartender moves or how horribly they make drinks. Nor could they do anything about the cook and how long they decided to keep your steak on the grill. You want a perfect steak to meet your standards?? Then do it yourself.

The point I want to make here is don't assume that the wait staff is responsible for everything that went wrong in your meal. Don't assume that you deserve anything. They are there to help and guide you through a meal that you didn't want to cook.

The Plane - Tip #5 You Smell

I know, I just did this last week, but I need to touch on this again because I think it is important for people to understand that they stink. Yes, you do. Don't think you are exempt from this because you shower or wear deodorant, or brush your teeth twice a day.

Tip #5 - Yes you! You smell!

When you sit in an airport or a plane for half a day or longer you smell. It may not be body odor, but your breath? Nasty. So pack a carry on tooth brush and try to brush in between flights, or even on the flight. Just a little water goes a long way if you forget to put that tiny little tooth paste tube in your purse or bag, but please, drink water, chew gum and brush those pearly whites.

Most people like to chat on the plane, even those who are travelling together, and the toughest thing to do is look at them and listen when you can't even inhale.

You stink, get over it and do something about it

The Plane - Tip #4 Travelling Children

I travelled with my little one when she was 2 months and just recently at 11 months. What a whole different bag of worms, but that's for another post.

Tip #4 - Kids come first

You may not have kids, and that's OK, but just know that the elderly, children and those will disabilities come first. Don't be the ass that pushes in front of a mom with 2 kids trying to get her kids on the plane in a safe and timely manner that will allow her to get them settled and her to maybe, just maybe pick up that book that she has been wanting to read for the past 9 months.

'nuff said

The Plane - Tip #3 Don't Push

This one really gets me because no matter what kind of line anyone stands in, people get stupid.

Tip #3 - Pushing doesn't make you go any faster

Why is it that when the plane is ready to board, everyone jumps up at the same time and stands in line, which because every one is in line, the line goes so far back that it seemed silly to stand up in the first place.

Also, let's say Group 1 is called, why do all the people in groups 2-4 also stand up and walk over to pretend they are standing in line, creating a big cluster, which causes confusion for those who really do want to stand in line?

Picture this, you are sitting there waiting to board your flight, the gates open and you are called. You stand, walk casually over to the attendant, hand over your ticket and casually walk onto the walkway leading to your plane. Never gonna happen if you continually try to pull this crap of budging and pushing.

Pushing in line doesn't get you there faster, budging in line gets you on the plane faster but doesn't get the plane off the ground faster, all it does is gets you on a stuffy plane, that smells like bathroom, sitting on the aisle, getting pushed by bags, arms, people and children trying to find their seat.

Relax, the plane will not leave with out you, enjoy your time in the terminal because it's much better than the plane and stop pushing, because, well, it's rude.

The Plane - Tip #2 Don't Arrive Late

Ok, I'm going to make this easy.

Tip #2 - Arrive earlier than planned

I'm sure my father will be thrilled with this post. A man that always arrives 3 hours early to assure that he will make his flight, just in case there's traffic, or long lines or something else that I can't even think of. And as someone who travelled with him often, I'll tell you that the previous post was tough because boy, I had to not only keep myself occupied for the 3 hours prior to the flight, but then I had to figure out what I was going to do up in the air.

As silly as this seems, and as boring as it is to sit in an airport, you will be much better off than running through the terminal knocking people down and looking like a moron. So even though 3 hours may be a bit much, shoot for 2. The heart attack waiting in the wings, will have to wait just a bit longer. So sit in the nearest bar and enjoy watching all the other people running to catch their flights.

The Plane - Tip #1 Packing Sucks

Because I just found myself in the bowels of the Midwest (Oklahoma) and took a plane to get there, I thought this would be the perfect time to talk about how people suck when they travel. So in order to avoid annoying me, which should be at the top of every one's list, then please note....

Tip #1 - Don't Over Pack

Now, I realize that I spent a year and a half of my life on the road, travelling with a touring company, and believe me, when you are responsible for every single item that you want to get from point A to point B, you don't tend to carry a lot of stuff. Because I got really good with this, I want people to understand something,

You don't need every single outfit in your closet. You don't need all of your makeup supplies, you don't need multiple shoes and you sure as hell don't need every DVD in your collection to keep your self occupied. So here is the best way to explain for the majority of people. You know how there is this rule for every closet? ie You must have that one black dress, or pair of black pants, you must have that one pair of black high heels and at least one suit. Think of your time to travel as the time to pack those musts. We all know you never know what kind of mood you will be in on any particular day, well women are like that anyway, but get over it, back your necessities, and move on.

In the end, when you don't have to pay $25 per bag or wait at the baggage claim for other people to put your bag on a conveyor belt, you will be much happier, and in turn, so will I.

The Subway - Tip #5 Your Ticket On Board

No doubt, there will be a line to buy a subway ticket. The machines are there for a reason, and why people stand in line to buy from the person behind the window, I still have no idea, because not only do they not care where you are going, but they sure as hell don't care if you get there. They are so miserable with their jobs, they want to make sure every one else is too. So....

Tip #5 - Learn how to buy your ticket, on your own

While you are in line waiting to buy a ticket, pay attention. The people in front of you are very familiar with how to do this, so take notes and don't just stand in line picking your ass, watch what others are doing so when it is your turn, you don't stand there like an idiot reading each screen like if you push the wrong button, the machine will blow up, because, well, it won't. What will blow up are the people's tempers behind you who have no time to wait for you to figure out how to use this crazy looking machine that takes your money and spits out a ticket.

If you are in one of the few stations during those few times of day where the machines don't have any lines and there aren't any people around, then by all means, feel free to stand there and read all the fine print. I recommend doing this in the early morning, definitely before 6am, prior to rush hour on weekdays or at night, between 8-10pm when all other tourists are sitting in a broadway show or enjoying dinner.

Bottom line, pay attention

The Subway - Tip #4 Don't Stop

The worst thing you can do when you go down into the subway system is to stop walking. Whoa boy, watch out because you WILL be run over and pushed. So there is your warning, so when you stop and get pushed, don't get pissed and don't go starting a yelling match, because I'm hear to tell you, YOU WERE WRONG.

Tip #4 - Don't Stop Moving

You are surrounded by people who know where they are going, how to maneuver through crowds, and have no patience for tourists.

Before you go underground, know where you need to go, or at least know what train you are looking for so you can continually move while looking for the right sign to the right train. Oh, and while you are above ground looking at the map trying to figure out what train you need to take, make sure you have pulled off to the side of the sidewalk and are not the idiots standing in the middle of the walkway holding up a huge subway map looking for your destination, because again, here is your warning, you will get pushed, shoved and possibly spit on.

Or, better yet, put down the map, and ask a very nice stranger walking next to you how to get to your exciting new tourist attraction. Because of this, they will not push you, shove you or spit on you.

Happy Travels

The Subway - Tip #2 Rush Hour

Whoa boy, this is one of those posts that are really for those who live in the city. Rush Hour sucks, and we all know it. But here's a secret that millions just can't see to catch onto.

Tip #2 Another Train is Coming

I understand that when you see a train, you think, oh my god, if I don't catch this train, I'll NEVER get home. Well, I'm here to tell you that, YES YOU WILL. There is another train coming, and you know what? During rush hour, they actually run more often, so another train will come, in just a few minutes.

Stop pushing, stop squeezing and stop thinking that you getting home is more important than the person next to you getting home. If it's really that important, then take a taxi, or buy a car.

Otherwise, deal with the fact that everyone is trying to go home after work and there aren't enough cars or space for everyone to fit on that ONE train. So take a deep breath (well, not that deep, especially during the summer when everyone smells like ass) and relax.

The Subway - Tip #1 Don't Be Scared

The biggest thing I hear when people are visiting NYC is that they are afraid to use the Subway because they think they will get lost. Hahahahahaha, I just laugh.

Tip #1 - You Can't Get Lost

Think about it this way, a subway train runs 2 ways, the way its headed and the opposite way its headed. If you got on the train and suddenly found yourself in Queens, get out of the train, and go to the opposite side and head back the way you came.

Just make sure you get on the same train number or letter. ie if you 'got lost' on the N train, then take the N train back.

But you can't get lost. You can either go north east south or west, so if you headed west and oops, wrong direction, then you know what? Go east.

It's not that hard. So stop wasting money in cabs and take the plunge under ground. Get on the subway and 'get lost'

Driving - Tip #5 lanes are there for a reason

I've already touched on this one when I talked about walking on busy sidewalks. But I would like to bring it up again today.

Tip #5 - They have lanes for a reason

I have a VERY close friend of mine that is horrible at this, and I never said anything because I felt like it may be a very touchy subject, but right now, this friend will remain nameless and I hope that someone takes something away from this tip.

A lot of people like to ride in the left lane. For some reason, that I may never know, people don't understand that the left lane is to pass slower moving cars. It is not to just drive in because it's there. The left lane is for passing. So I shall repeat, if you are slower, stay to the right, if you always are passing, stay to the left. But when in doubt, stay in the right lane and use the left to pass when needed.

Please don't just drive in the left lane because it's convenient.

Thank you.

Next week - The Subway

Driving - Tip #4 The U Turn

Now, I have never admitted to being a good driver, and my husband will tell you that I'm horrible. And really I am, so when I tell you I just learned something the other day, please don't be surprised, because I did, I just learned something about U-Turns.

Tip #4 - The Right Of way

If you are making a U-Turn, and have a green light to go, and there are drivers making a right hand turn, THEY have the right of way.

I know crazy right? When I see a green light or arrow, I just assume that I have the right of way, well I don't.

On the other side of this, if you are behind someone in a left turn lane that can also be used as a U-Turn lane, please be aware that those making a U-Turn may stop abruptly because they are waiting for the other driver making the right hand turn to well, turn.

For the longest time, this irritated the hell out of me, and I would sit there and yell at the stopped driver saying "helloooooo, green light!!! real nice, way to drive moron."

Oh, here's something else, if there is a sign that says 'No U-turn' then don't U-Turn. Why? I'm not really sure, maybe someone out there can explain that part of it, but bottom line....don't do it.

Maybe there is something we can learn from this. Common sense is grouped. You may know more about common sense in certain areas of life, like the theatre for example, and be an idiot in others, like for me, driving.

There, another idiot moving in the right direction :)

Driving - Tip #3 The Phone

Geez, this is a tough one for me because I'm so guilty of it. That's right, I'm claiming to be one of the idiots I'm trying to help. Even though I spend 90% of my week in the car, that is NO excuse to text, check email, check facebook and make phone calls while driving.

Tip #3 - Put it down

Oprah recently started a campaign to keep phones out of the car. Kind of like the rule "no phones at the dinner table" we should also bring that to our cars. I have avoided signing on to her campaign because it is really difficult for me to put my phone down. I don't want to miss a sale, or even worse, have a client be pissed because their schedule didn't start when originally scheduled.

And when my pretty iPhone dings, blings and rings, I can't help but look. Someone needs me, and that feels good.

How many of you are guilty of this? So here is what I propose. Put it down. I am going to put it out there today, right now, holding myself liable. Because a text isn't worth it if I can't even read it because I'm dead. Or even worse, if you hit my car with me, my husband and my little Emily because of a phone. So here goes....I am going to sign Oprah's No Texting Campaign. Will you?

Driving - Tip #2 LOOK

Do you know how people change lanes here? They just do, there is notlooking to make sure a car isn't next to them or coming up on the right or left. They just change lanes. Why? Because they have no common sense.

Tip #2 - Look

Look where you are going. Pay attention to the people around you, the world does not revolve around you and just assume that you suck. So look.

Simple, quick and to the point.

Driving - Tip #1 Keep The Space

I must explain my reason for picking Driving this week. Since living down here in West Palm Beach, I have realized a few things about the area, but the one that stands out most in how horrible people drive down here. I can honestly say that they drive worse than people in NYC, and I would think that was tough to do. So here are my tips for driving, and hopefully make this area, and maybe some other areas a better place, One idiot at a time.

Tip #1 - Keep the Space

I realize now that not everyone knows this rule, and I am going to put a shout out to my dear friend, Dave Chamberlain, who told me this when I first started to learn how to drive (in his awesome TransAm) and it stuck with me.

Don't tailgate. Here's how you know you aren't tailgating, there should be room for at least 1 car between you and the car in front of you. Have you ever driven on the highway and come across those big circles on the road? Yeah, those are to stop tailgating. If you have room for one car to come between you and the car in front of you then you are good.

Why should you not tailgate? It's hard not to right? Especially when you are in a rush, or you get behind someone who doesn't know how to drive, or you aren't paying attention, or the person in front of you isn't even driving the frickin speed limit! (I bet if you stopped tailgating, they would speed up, although here in WPB, they just need to drive slow because well, they're old.)

What are the benefits?? If you are following a stupid driver (as noted above), there is a chance that they will just STOP abruptly, or swerve for a squirrel, or do something...stupid, and you know what? YOU won't have time to react and boom, rear end accident. And even though the person in front of you is a horrible driver and should take blame, they won't....it will be your fault, and you become the stupid driver.

SO. STOP. TAILGATING.

The Streets of NYC - Tip #5 Lets get down to basics

This is the bread and butter right here. This is where it aaaaalllll began, back in 2004 when I moved to NYC and had nothing but wonder in my eyes. Well, then reality hit, and I'll tell you, I couldn't believe how stupid people got when they started walking. I'm not talking about the ones that live there, because they have been there long enough to know, but it's the ones who just moved or are coming in for a visit. So no matter where you are from, PLEASE READ and TAKE NOTES!

Tip #5 - Walk like you drive

Let's say you are driving in your car and you have a friend with you in the front seat. OMG, you turn to the right and see the most beautiful view in the whole entire world and you MUST get a picture before you never see it again. What do you do? Do you...

A. Pull out your camera, continue to drive and take a picture

B. Stop in the middle of the road, wherever you happen to be when you see this amazing shot, pull out your camera and take a picture

C. Pull over, stop the car and pull out your camera and take a picture

God, I hope you all picked C. Unfortunately, when people exit their cars and start walking on the busiest sidewalk known to man kind, they treat it like they are in a massive field, with tons of room, and have all the time in the world to do whatever it is they want to do. So here it is,

WALK LIKE YOU DRIVE

If you see an amazing shot and MUST have it, then pull over, take out your camera and get that amazing shot.

If you have more than one passenger, don't create a barricade. Geez, walk behind each other, as a cluster. See this pic above? See the group making a line because heaven forbid one of them takes the lead? Stop.

Always walk to the right, nobody drives down the middle of the highway (on purpose) and certainly nobody drives into oncoming traffic (on purpose). So stay to the right.

If you are a bus, and move a bit slower and need more frequent stops, then stay to the most right hand lane.

If you are a sports car and want to get somewhere extremely fast without a lot of stops because you don't give two s*&ts about the view, then stay to the left.

Let's say you are in the middle, you are a sedan and you aren't in a rush, you may want to grab a picture but really you are out doing a 'scenic sunday drive,' by all means feel free to move back and forth between lanes. But just know, that at some point there will be a sports car coming up behind you. So, my advice, stay to the right until you need to pass.

Those of you from Europe, your steering wheel may be on the opposite side of the car from us, but you still drive on the same side of the road. So bring this with you would ya?

Please please please, pass this on to EVERYONE you know, because even though this drove me NUTS in NYC, I know there are busy sidewalks everywhere....this concept can be used there too! I know, crazy isn't it?! Could you imagine how easy it would be to walk on sidewalks if everyone took this into consideration??

Next Week: Driving