The Plane - Tip #5 You Smell

I know, I just did this last week, but I need to touch on this again because I think it is important for people to understand that they stink. Yes, you do. Don't think you are exempt from this because you shower or wear deodorant, or brush your teeth twice a day.

Tip #5 - Yes you! You smell!

When you sit in an airport or a plane for half a day or longer you smell. It may not be body odor, but your breath? Nasty. So pack a carry on tooth brush and try to brush in between flights, or even on the flight. Just a little water goes a long way if you forget to put that tiny little tooth paste tube in your purse or bag, but please, drink water, chew gum and brush those pearly whites.

Most people like to chat on the plane, even those who are travelling together, and the toughest thing to do is look at them and listen when you can't even inhale.

You stink, get over it and do something about it

The Plane - Tip #4 Travelling Children

I travelled with my little one when she was 2 months and just recently at 11 months. What a whole different bag of worms, but that's for another post.

Tip #4 - Kids come first

You may not have kids, and that's OK, but just know that the elderly, children and those will disabilities come first. Don't be the ass that pushes in front of a mom with 2 kids trying to get her kids on the plane in a safe and timely manner that will allow her to get them settled and her to maybe, just maybe pick up that book that she has been wanting to read for the past 9 months.

'nuff said

The Plane - Tip #3 Don't Push

This one really gets me because no matter what kind of line anyone stands in, people get stupid.

Tip #3 - Pushing doesn't make you go any faster

Why is it that when the plane is ready to board, everyone jumps up at the same time and stands in line, which because every one is in line, the line goes so far back that it seemed silly to stand up in the first place.

Also, let's say Group 1 is called, why do all the people in groups 2-4 also stand up and walk over to pretend they are standing in line, creating a big cluster, which causes confusion for those who really do want to stand in line?

Picture this, you are sitting there waiting to board your flight, the gates open and you are called. You stand, walk casually over to the attendant, hand over your ticket and casually walk onto the walkway leading to your plane. Never gonna happen if you continually try to pull this crap of budging and pushing.

Pushing in line doesn't get you there faster, budging in line gets you on the plane faster but doesn't get the plane off the ground faster, all it does is gets you on a stuffy plane, that smells like bathroom, sitting on the aisle, getting pushed by bags, arms, people and children trying to find their seat.

Relax, the plane will not leave with out you, enjoy your time in the terminal because it's much better than the plane and stop pushing, because, well, it's rude.

The Plane - Tip #2 Don't Arrive Late

Ok, I'm going to make this easy.

Tip #2 - Arrive earlier than planned

I'm sure my father will be thrilled with this post. A man that always arrives 3 hours early to assure that he will make his flight, just in case there's traffic, or long lines or something else that I can't even think of. And as someone who travelled with him often, I'll tell you that the previous post was tough because boy, I had to not only keep myself occupied for the 3 hours prior to the flight, but then I had to figure out what I was going to do up in the air.

As silly as this seems, and as boring as it is to sit in an airport, you will be much better off than running through the terminal knocking people down and looking like a moron. So even though 3 hours may be a bit much, shoot for 2. The heart attack waiting in the wings, will have to wait just a bit longer. So sit in the nearest bar and enjoy watching all the other people running to catch their flights.

The Plane - Tip #1 Packing Sucks

Because I just found myself in the bowels of the Midwest (Oklahoma) and took a plane to get there, I thought this would be the perfect time to talk about how people suck when they travel. So in order to avoid annoying me, which should be at the top of every one's list, then please note....

Tip #1 - Don't Over Pack

Now, I realize that I spent a year and a half of my life on the road, travelling with a touring company, and believe me, when you are responsible for every single item that you want to get from point A to point B, you don't tend to carry a lot of stuff. Because I got really good with this, I want people to understand something,

You don't need every single outfit in your closet. You don't need all of your makeup supplies, you don't need multiple shoes and you sure as hell don't need every DVD in your collection to keep your self occupied. So here is the best way to explain for the majority of people. You know how there is this rule for every closet? ie You must have that one black dress, or pair of black pants, you must have that one pair of black high heels and at least one suit. Think of your time to travel as the time to pack those musts. We all know you never know what kind of mood you will be in on any particular day, well women are like that anyway, but get over it, back your necessities, and move on.

In the end, when you don't have to pay $25 per bag or wait at the baggage claim for other people to put your bag on a conveyor belt, you will be much happier, and in turn, so will I.