The Theatre - Tip #5 Waiting

Ok, this one will be short and sweet. No need to go into a lot of detail on this one, but if anyone is confused, or totally doesn't get it, then please contact me directly.

Tip #5 - Lines are for fools

Now I mean this is the nicest way, I really do, hehe. When you buy your tickets, either on line or at the box office prior to the show, there is NO NEED to stand in line 1 to 2 hours before the show starts.

You will NOT see anyone famous, they will not upgrade your seat for arriving early and I know this one might be a shocker, but no one is going to take your seat if you arrive late. You have an assigned seat for pete's sake.

Also, if you do feel the need to stand in this line that wraps around the block, then please do everyone else a favor and stop pushing to make the line move faster. Again, this is not general admission or lawn seating. You have ASSIGNED SEATS. That means that no one else can sit in the seat that is on YOUR ticket.

'nuff said. Next week...Tips for Walking in NYC

The Theatre - Tip #4 The Bathroom

It is known; if not I will be happy to share this with you; that theaters don't have enough bathrooms to accommodate every single audience member during a show. And for some reason, when Intermission comes, so does everybody's need to pee. So here is my tip.

Tip #4 - The Bathroom

I understand that the majority of audience members skew a bit older. Not a bad thing, because without them and their money, the theatre might be in a bit of trouble, but most of the time, the bathroom is a must and a necessity. So, for those of you who don't have IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome), the smallest bladder on the planet or a leaky system, understand something. If you wait to use the bathroom during intermission - when people are reapplying their hair (see previous post), checking their phones (another previous post) and recapping Act I by singing all of the songs (post #3), you will NEVER have a chance to get back in time for Act II. I even see lines coming out of the men's room. Let's not even go into how long it takes women to use the restroom; maybe that will be a future post.

Some people will not care about this. Because, frankly, they hate the show. Taking their time in the bathroom may be just what the theatre director ordered.

I don't care how you do it, but figure out what you need to do to not use the bathroom during half time. Here are some of my ideas

1. Use the bathroom right before the show starts
2. Don't drink before or during the show - if you do drink before, please see #1
3. Hold it

Happy audience makes for happy performers :)

The Theatre - Tip #3 Singing Along

This one kills me

Tip #3 - STOP SINGING ALONG!

I understand that there are certain shows out there like Mamma Mia! and Jersey Boys that, I agree, are fun and amazing shows and boy, it's hard to not sing along or run up on the stage, grab the mic and take over the choreography.

But people are there to see the performers sing the song. So, to all of those people who have sat behind me and sang every song because the moment just 'moved' them, I say to you, Shut Up.....please.

I don't care that you LOVE the music, or know every lyric or are having the time of your life. Go buy the CD, download the album from iTunes, put it on your iPod and sing along in the shower and car. Just don't bother me.

And for those of you saying, 'oh, I've done that, but nobody can hear me,' yes we can and I'll even be more honest here, you can't sing.

The Theatre - Tip #2 Cell Phones

This tip actually applies to more places than just the theatre, and actually, it is this tip that got my husband and I talking about how I needed to start this blog in the first place. This one really amazes me, especially since cell phones have been around for umpteen years.

Tip #2 - Cell Phones

Okay, here it is, every time you go to the theatre, some booming voice comes over the sound system and tells you to turn off your cell phones, pagers and anything else that makes noise and to also open your candies, cough drops and wrapped goodies now so it doesn't disturb those around you during the show.

This is what happens: no body does anything.

This is the result: a cell phone, pager or other beeping device ALWAYS goes off and there is always some prick sitting in the orchestra section who needs to text at all times of the day.

So here are my cell phone tips.

• I get that you don't want to turn it off (I never do, GASP!!). I turn my phone to silent. I place my phone face down in my purse, so if someone does try to contact me, the bright light on my lovely iPhone does not shine like a beacon or second spot light. iPhone users - flip that little switch on the upper left of your phone so the red dot is showing. Old flip phone users, hold down the # key (in most models this works). For all others, please google "turning my phone to silent" and follow the directions.

• The volume buttons (up or down) on the side of your phone do quite a bit more than help you control the sound.

If someone is calling and you don't want to answer, but you don't want it to go straight to voice mail, hit the up or down volume button. This stops the ringing or buzzing and the chance of the person next to you from hitting you in the face (make sure I'm not standing near by).

If you have one of those phones who's vibrate is more like an earthquake or extremely loud hummmmm, push the volume button and voila, no more silent train.

• Don't text during the performance. Make it known to the world that revolves around you that you will be out of commission for Act I. Feel free to catch up during Intermission, but put that thing back down during Act II (please see first bullet as to how to put down correctly)

• Video or picture taking. I'm not going to tell you to do this because it is totally wrong, however I help promote it by going to Youtube.com and watching Idina Menzel as Elphaba or my great friend Mara Davi perform in her next big gig. However, if this is something that you have no conscience about, then please note: DO NOT USE FLASH! Ugh, the only people who use flash are asses who have no idea what it is like to be on stage, so please understand that when they say "flash photography not permitted" its not because they just want to be mean, it's for the safety of the performers on the stage that you paid money to see.

Questions comments or concerns? I can't wait to hear what you have to say.

The Theatre - Tip #1 Hats & Hair

I would like to dedicate my very first post to the theatre. I have lived, loved, learned and left the theatre and I can't tell you how many people annoyed me whether I was on, behind or in front of the stage. So, cheers to the theatre and to all of those I love that are still involved.

Common Sense Tip #1-Hats and High Hair NOT Allowed

I cannot tell you the number of times I have sat behind someone with a hat on. I don't care that you are a cowboy, or a baseball fan or forgot to shower or feel the need to 'get dressed' for the show. I can't see behind your hat. I did not pay good money to see the back of your cowboy hat or sun hat.

On the same path, I know a lot of women who feel as though the higher their hair, the better. I'll tell you what, take it off during the show. I don't care how much you spent on your bouf, extensions or beehive, take it off.

Let's recap. People do not pay good money so you can obstruct their view with your hat or hair. Take it off, put it down and leave it. If you need to reattach during Intermission, then please feel free, but for every one else's sake, take it off during the performance.